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: All about the balls
After the 0-9 drubbing of Bristol Rovers SMK in the cup by Safe, proud new husband Phil McAvity spoke to the press.
"We really took it to them today and the boys gave them a good spanking, with six of them shooting it on the target. The ball control was excellent. None better than by my sweetie and new husband, Ben Dunne who scored a hat trick. His control of balls is second to none, and the dirty little minx will score tonight for sure. To score his first goal and his first hat trick on the same night can only be topped off with another type of hat trick."
Veteran defender "Deadly" Gauna scored a brace for his 85th and 86th first class career goals.
DeCoach was obviously plastered as he was approached by the press and mumbled something about "I was only playing Dunne for the possibly of a funny PA, I didn't think he'd score one, let alone three."
: All change
In what could be considered a coup d'etat if it didn't have the approval of the Board of Directors of the club, many old faces from Safe history were given new jobs within the organization.
New assistant coaches are: former head coaches Nate Young and Sean "Great" Scott.
New medic is former player and licenced faith healer, Brian "The Messiah" Bryan.
New spokesman is Mike Hunt...much to the amusement of the sponsors.
Herschel Lane, is the new Form Coach.
Over in the youth academy, Danny Weasley keeps his job, but all scouts have changed as well.
The new scouts being Christian Wanker, Massimiliano Cerutti and Bobby Bollock.
DeCoach was said to be over the moon. Especially with the appointment of The Messiah as medic.
"He can save the fish and loaves rubbish until after he fixes our winger, we have hot dog stands," said DeCoach in an interview.
He continued "I am very glad to be making money out of Mike Hunt at long last."
A N Fielders
: Great start
Well immediate reaction was that of amazement, jubillation, stunned silence , then euphoria.
To go top in this tough series is an achievement the club were not thinking nor the fans.
The staff and club are now going to have to work tirelessly to keep expectations realistic. The town is already going nuts, and I would imagine there will be a lot of duvet days called in tomorrow !
: Ace Tactician Targets Akihabara Tiger Star.
Just Before Turning in to watch Totalbiscuit's Co Optional Podcast, The Ace Tactician Came out to address the Waiting Media in anticipation of something special.
"I have decided to make a change in our future Training plans. Currently we are still focusing on our midfielders. We will be continuing with our midfielders this season but next season we are also planning passing Training." With the inclusion of passing training, We have decided our next course of training will return to forward Training during the Passing Phase.
Without letting slip too much, We are Targeting an 'Akihabara Tigers' Young Prodigy to spear head our new future line up, as Well as two other Japanese Protegees.
The Ace Tactician Feels both Experience From Japans Current J-League Champions and Home Club Legendary forward Ahmed Ulahtah will make This boy One of the best 1018 has ever seen."
: Club Legend Takes Reins
Club legend, Oswald Nicholls, has been appointed to coach Burlington City as they embark on their first Premier League campaign.
Ossie has been at the club from the very beginning 21 seasons ago, and was leading scorer in the club's first season, leading them to the VII.724 title.
"What can I say?" the new coach said to local reporters, "I'm delighted to be leading this club into the Premier League. This is the only club I've ever played for, and we've come a long way since I scored in our first home game in front of 3815 fans."
Ossie will take charge for the cup trip to AC Trapezi on Tuesday, and will then proudly lead the side out at Burlington's hastily rebuilt stadium on Sunday.