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Top 5 ways to be the best HT manager!

Written by W-dic

Have you always wondered how to be the best Hattrick manager there is? Have you ever looked at your team and said: Oh my god, what do I have to do to win it all?! Well look no more, because here is your answer! Find the right way and follow it’s path to success!

Welcome to another of my articles. This one will give you five ways to…oh why the hell am I still speaking. After you read the intro to this article I bet you want to find out how to be the best. So let’s get it on!

Way 1:

Take a look at your team. Notice anything? Take a look again…What about now?? Ok, let me help you…it's sucks! That's the clue you have been searching for. Otherwise you would not be reading this right now…So do the following. Sell all the players you have that are worth something (36 years old player with outstanding playmaking and solid passing, with one leg in the grave already and a sentence next to stamina bar saying: Too old for this s**t, is not worth anything so just fire him!).

Then make a mean long term training plan, hit yourself in the head four times and say: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RESULTS, over and over again, till you are satisfied with you losing the next 8-10 seasons. Then start training…

(When you are about half way there go check the recent news and see that there are some new changes in HT again and that your plan has gone to waste. Get really mad, sell out your team and quit HT while you are still calm enough, so you don't hurt your computer.)

After few months you will realize that you can't live without HT, so go to (www.hattrick.org) and apply for a new team, go under World, and find this article again. This time chose another option not this one!

Way 2:

Go under: World -> International -> Search -> Then select User -> Write: HT- and press search!

There you have it! The complete list of all HT personnel. Just pick your favorite one and write them a HT mail. But not just a standard HT mail…no no no…it will be a blackmail HT-mail. That's right, it has just been invented! In that mail you should write that you have just kidnapped someone from their family and demand a 200 Million Euros for their release! And that's HT cash we are talking about!

(Don't say you have their wife or husband because you will instantly fail!)

When you have the money just go on transfer market and send it with your bids on divine players! (oh crap, there are hardly any divine players there…Now I know why was there a note in this document that says: UPDATE THIS DOCUMENT!)

Anyway just look for best players you can find and own the HT world!

Way 3:

Get a real life job that will pay you some real life money. I'm talking Dollars, Euros, Pounds, Yens, Kunas (no not animals!), Brazilian Reals or something similar. Save your money till you have…ummmm...well enough to hire some genius hacker to hack all your next opponent's teams and just change the password and their line up...easy!

(While you are at it, you should also give him some extra money to bid on your player who is ten times over the transfer compare price. Oh well…the owner of that team won't need that money anymore so why not?!)

Just to get a bit more pleasure out of it, you can take his phone number from his account and text him a message saying that he will definitely lose and ask him if he dares to bet some real money on it. It's time to get some of that investment money back.

As you can see in all of your upcoming matches you will finally be the winner!

Way 4:

Go on your national forum and find that guy in HT that you really dislike. Start writing all that is on your mind, all the things you always wanted to say to him, but you just couldn't because good community behavior. Well, to hell with good behavior…those times are over! If you really want your team to be the best, go out there and put yourself on the line. Do it…insult him over and over again, till you get banned and your team taken away. Then apply for a new team in one of four new HT countries. If you are confused let me name them for you: Cameroon, Uzbekistan, Cuba and Palestine.

From here on it's very simple…

(All you need to do is pull players and sell them for ridiculous price! Here are some basic prices you can demand for your player based on TSI:

0-25 TSI = 100.000 Euros
25-100 TSI = 250.000 Euros
100-280 TSI = 415.000 Euros
280-400 TSI = 500.000 Euros
Above 400 TSI = Above 500.000 Euros)

So as you can see you can make a lot of money every week. Do this for few seasons and soon you will have enough money to buy yourself a DREAM TEAM to win it all!

Way 5:

Before important matches you have to perform a ritual to the gods of random of HT. The ritual has to be completed in perfect order and 100% determination. Oh, and one more thing, you will need a Chinese guy in your team.

So this is how it goes:
1. Read the whole section 16-Psychology in HT rules. Have to read it out loud.

2. When you get to Team Spirit section, you have to be wearing only upper part of your team match kit and nothing else. Use away match kit for away matches.

3. At section Confidence you have to take ketchup and mayonnaise and start putting them on the plate and mixing it, while humming your Chinese player last name!

(In order for this to work you have to use Heinz ketchup:
((http://ninecooks.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/ketchup_1.jpg)))

4. Section team attitude. Start yelling that you are the best and put that mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise on your hair (if you are bald just on your head). Rub it in seven times just to be sure it will work!

5. Run up and down your home for 9 times and return to your computer just as the match is about to start. Watch the match and enjoy the lovely surprise of the match.

6. Make sure you have recorded your ritual. Then put it on YouTube and send the link to me over HT mail. Thank you.

I guarantee that you will become the most popular manager on HT. You will be able to sell any player you want for loads of money. With that money you can buy kick ass team!

NOTE: This article does not encourage you to do such stuff. It was written only for fun and it has no intentions of insulting anyone or makes him do silly things. I do not take any responsibility if someone tries anything from above. I hope you enjoyed it and laughed while reading it.