Community » Hattrick Press

Meet the Manager

Written by joggers

joggers of Eldritch Cuckoos has kindly answered a few questions ahead of Tuesday's R8 clash against the Champions of England and current English Cup holders.

You acquired your team, Eldritch Cuckoos in January 2014. You've made R5 of the English Cup twice before, s63 and s66 and have this season managed to make R8 by eliminating Premiership LS side Beta Broncos last week (626435648) You must be delighted to get this far with another 'easy' LS side to beat this week?

You know more about my team than I do to be honest. I was delighted to beat Broncos, and that was the best result of my HT career by far. I don't think LS teams are that easy really, especially at the top level where they're completely optimised, but I find these really extreme formations a bit unrealistic, if I'm going to be completely honest. It betrays that tension between playing the game in an optimised way based on math, and playing the game because it's football themed and is supposed to broadly simulate it, with all the ups and downs it represents. The LS tactic is not something any team would ever play in real life, let's face it. No criticism of people playing the game their way - good luck to them.

Your manager page indicates that you are a Reading fan. 3 goals from Aluko, the club's record signing and slipping from 3rd in 16/17 to 20th in 17/18 in the Championship, makes for pretty grim reading. What went wrong?

I'm only a Reading fan because I live here. In all honesty I've been to about three games, and am not really that bothered. I've got mates who are massive Royals and don't miss a game home or away, but I've only ever had a kind of grudging support for them because of geography. I do believe in supporting the team of your birth (or where you live), but I was born in the far east of Kent, and the nearest local league team was Gillingham, a place we had absolutely nothing in common with, so I supported Margate for most of my teenage years, which was a lot more "spit and sawdust" than Reading. I live here now, but I've still got more in common with the 'Gate' than I do the Royals. So coming back to your question, I've got no idea. I'm told that Stam didn't do brilliantly, but it always seems like the team are never properly backed by their (rich) owners.

Other than coaching staff, your team consists of home grown and English players with a Welshman and an Irish player thrown in. I assume this is a deliberate policy, please tell us a bit about it?

I have two massive flaws with the way I play this game which mean I am never going to be super successful. The first is that I'm sentimental. I buy players who I can imagine being terrace heroes, or that broadly resemble players I can relate to. I liked the idea of a British team, not through any kind of weird "Britain First" ideology, but just because the golden age of English football had players who hailed from the UK. I suppose it's nostalgia really, and obviously I try to buy English for the wage reduction. The second flaw is that I see it as a football sim rather than a spreadsheet with pictures. I'm fine with that, I've never really liked maths and poring over numbers, so I kind of build the club mythology in my head. Others who power-game are welcome to do so, and I know I play sub-optimally, but I'm absolutely fine with it - I enjoy playing it my way and enjoying the occasional modest victory.

What's your favourite alchoholic beverage and where/what is your favourite venue to go for a few drinks?

Guinness. (https://www.guinnesswebstore.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1200x1200/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/i/m/img_7010_1_1.jpg)

Probably the Dolphin or Catherine Wheel in Newbury after work.

(https://www.newburytoday.co.uk/resizer/600/315/true/1515155496669_1515155556.jpg--_500k_upgrade_for_newbury_town_centre_pub.jpg?1515155556000)

(https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/0c/81/29/b4/front-view.jpg)

Please could you tell us about the last book you read and whether you'd recommend it?

TS Eliot Selected Poems. (https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91isELqloUL.jpg) I'd obviously recommend it to someone like me, but I don't know anyone like me. No one listens to book recommendations, least of all from some bloke on the internet who manages a pretend football team, so make up your own mind.

Do you have a favourite building or architectural design?

Either the Lawns Student Halls (https://www.hull.ac.uk/choose-hull/student-life/accommodation/section-elements/img/the-lawns/the-lawns-exterior.jpg) or Brynmor-Jones Library, Hull. (http://s0.geograph.org.uk/geophotos/02/71/05/2710543_27d0cac6.jpg)

For sentimental reasons.

According to Wiktionary Eldritch has etymology "of uncertain origin" and was reintroduced into popular literature by the writings of H. P. Lovecraft. Lovecraft was a bit gothic horror sci-fi by all accounts. Of course some of us read the name and think "Sisters of Mercy" but you could argue that all Cuckoos are of uncertain origin, couldn't you?

I know where all my cuckoos come from. Every last one.

Please tell us how your significant other (partner/spouse etc) feels about your interest in this game and a little bit about your other interests?

She's absolutely not bothered. She is far too sensible and grounded in the real world to give a second's thought to computer games.

Please provide us a link to utube or vimeo to one of your favourite of all time tunes, and perhaps to something recent as well?

At the moment I'd say it's Gil Scott-Heron, the Revolution will not be Televised:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGaoXAwl9kw)

For something a bit more modern, I do like Chvrches, "Leave a Trace", though this is two years old now.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Eo84jDIMKI)

Which of the following would you choose and why?

i) Star Wars or Star Trek

I like them both, but Wars has more memories for me, having been smuggled in to see Empire Strikes Back by my dad.

ii) Cheese or Carrots

Cheese every time. Raw carrots make me feel sick.

iii) Unpred GK or Unpred scorer (assume similar primary & support skill-sets)

Scorer. Just because they might, conceivably, get a SE event one day.

iv) Portland (OR) or Saint Petersberg

I'm going to Portland next year, by utter coincidence, for a "trip of a lifetime" kinda thing so I'll have to say that. It has great beer and coffee.

v) Shirt or Shoes

Shoes. I've got weird feet, but shoes still fit me better than shirts do.