X-Files Report: Hidden Achievements

On June 30, 2021, the Hattrick world was set abuzz when HT-Johan announced the implementation of 17 new achievements. This represented the first reboot of the achievements system since its introduction in 2006. As users began to sink their teeth into the new system, a few hidden achievements suddenly appeared. The exact reasons why these achievements have occasionally popped up is a mystery, and so your faithful HT Press reporter reached out to Walter Skinner, Assistant Director at the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigations to ask that the FBI investigate. Agent Skinner did not view the matter of high importance, and therefore assigned it to Special Agents Dana Skully and Fox Mulder, who are assigned low priority cases involving unexplained phenomenon. Through an anonymous source, HT Press has obtained a copy of their report.

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
REPORT ON INVESTIGATION INVOLVING HATTRICK.ORG

Case #: X-1311892FE
Ref: Hidden Achievements
Date: August 5, 2021

AGENTS OF RECORD: Special Agent Fox Mulder, Special Agent Dana Scully

To: Assistant Director Walter S. Skinner

Cc: Johan [Redacted]; Tasos [Redacted]; Björn Holmér
Case Status: OPEN

Findings:

This report traces back to the United States in the mid-aughts, where two users on hattrick.org, Catacylsmia (Cata) and ThomasRongen (TR), obtained a certain degree of local notoriety. Cata led FCGoblins to Major League along with three USA Cup titles, while TR led Gaithersburg Bhoys F.C. to Major League with several deep USA Cup runs. Both also served terms as USA National Team coach. In 2009, shortly after promoting to Major League, TR took a long-term leave of absence from hattrick to concentrate on career and parental responsibilities. So when he recently returned, he and Cata began a heated debate over which manager possessed the most tactical prowess. As Americans are known to do given their unfortunate tendency to settle these matters through agonizingly long playoff series, the debate was settled via a series of matches via their new respective teams, Yaak & Boing Sponsor Gloop & Gleep and Original Players. Not surprisingly to anyone who follows hattrick closely, Cata mostly wiped the floor with TR in these matches with his unorthodox tactics, but along the way, some curious phenomenon were observed, which we have memorialized in this report.

Paranormal Event #1: In one match, Yaak’s Gustav Rolandsson received a straight red card after providing the referee with a particularly graphic suggestion to the referee describing what he could do with his turkey giblets. Down a man, Yaak reverted into a defensive shell, which stifled play through the end of regulation and extra time. Finally, in the 119th minute, Original Players reacted with seven events memorialized in the match report: 2 position swaps, 3 substitutions, and changes in captaincy and SP duties. As you may know, each of these events requires time in the match presentation, and by the time they had all finished, the entire minute of time was nearly over, as the clock hit 119:56. With only 4 seconds left of time left, the referee prepared to blow his whistle, only for Yaak then to make 3 substitutions, a position swap and change in set piece taker. Yes, a total 12 events during the final minute of play. Unfortunately, the match presentation could not fit these all in, and so the clock in the stadium froze during these final events, similar to what was expected to happy when Y2K caused old computers to run out of digits to display. Shortly after the match, a new achievement appeared titled “Past My Bedtime.”

Paranormal Event #2: Original Players entered one match with formidable experience in four formations, 5-5-0, 4-4-2, 3-5-2 and 2-5-3. To preserve experience, the squad started in a 2-5-3, switching to a 3-5-2 in the 23rd minute, a 4-4-2 at halftime, and a 5-5-0 in the 68th minute. Despite playing a whopping four formations in one match, no negative experience events were recorded, and when the match finished, the squad had achieved outstanding experience in four different formations! We know that when teams hire assistant coaches, hattrick displays their ability by displaying a series of orange cones, suggesting that cones visually represent successful coaching and tactical ability. And in this case, a new achievement appeared immediately following this match titled “Coneheads United,” complete with a picture of a player wearing such an orange cone on his head.

Paranormal Event #3: In one of the strangest matches we have observed, both teams tried to tactically outsmart the other, ending up in each team playing the exact same 5-5-0 formation (with match position orders in every spot). Even more incredibly, the teams split possession 50/50, and had the exact same percentage odds of scoring in their three respective sector as the other (1% v. 99% in all six sectors). On multiple levels, it was like watching two teams that were the exact mirror image of one another, or to put it another way, two sides of the same coin. Not long after this match ended, a new achievement was observed titled “Heads or Tails.”

Conclusion: The exact cause of these curious achievement phenomenon cannot be fully explained at this time, and so this case file remains open. Based on the events we observed, some credible hypothesis of what causes these achievements can be derived, but only time will tell whether they fully explain these paranormal events. If you have directly observed any of these paranormal events, we ask you to keep quiet, as information we obtained confidentially from the Smoking Man suggests that you could be in danger if your knowledge is shared with others or becomes public. For the rest of you, we remind you that the Truth Is Out There. Happy hunting!

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