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What if Chuck Norris were to play Hattrick?

Written by turkish_delight

I'd just watched the Expendables 2 and we all know Chuck Norris and his awesomeness. If you don't, you haven't been truly born in this world yet. To prove how awesome Hattrick is (since I've managed to keep my team going for the last 7 years), here's my insight on what impact Chuck Norris would have on Hattrick. Top 15 points!

1) There would be no login required for Chuck Norris, the computer would start up and auto-login for him after he presses the power button.

2) Chuck Norris would need no Managerial license challenge, the license would be printed in hardcopy, laminated and dispatched to his home address by Fedex upon his signing up.

3) There would be no need to collect HT$ from the (expedited) license, Chuck Norris' IP address automatically receives World Bank funding for all the badasses he helps the world handle with his roundhouse kick.

4) Chuck Norris doesn't start with 100 fans, that's for mere mortals. He starts with the entire United States as his default fan-base size.

5) Point 4 would have generated enough membership signing up fees and renewal fees, but point 3 would dwarf that amount because it's Chuck Norris.

6) Chuck Norris could have put himself as a player on the field in the game, but refrained from doing so because he'd destroy all 11 AI players and there would be no football left.

7) Based on point 6, Chuck Norris would have no choice but to sign players since his default players are just like those next-door. However, the difference is players would pay Chuck money to join his team else he'd stare them into putting pen to paper and sign life-term contracts.

8) Chuck Norris is the only manager who can train opponent players to get specialties - [NICE] (Oh No, Chucknorris, Escape!)

9) Chuck Norris is also the only manager who can train his own players to get specialties - [NICE] (Nice, It's Chucknorris, Excellent!)

10) The stadium allocated to the team of Chuck Norris might start at 12000, but doubles everyday because Chuck does push ups which makes new seats out of the surrounding area as he pushes the Earth down with every pushup.

11) Chuck Norris doesn't need to play in the Cup. He shaped the Cup with his bare hands and probably owns it. Besides, with point 3 there's no need for him to get Cup money.

12) Chuck Norris will have Supporter since it's bestowed upon him for his achievements in making the world safe from harm.

13) If Chuck Norris were to sneeze, it'd cause the match-day weather to change to 'all-day shower with strong winds'.

14) Chuck Norris' team doesn't need any staff like assistant trainers, doctors etc because he's there.

15) Points 1 to 14 wouldn't happen if Chuck Norris personally presses the power button on any computer because he would cause it to crumble into bits under his sheer strength.

Cheers! This is my personal take so it might not be true because nobody tells Chuck Norris how to do things, he speaks and the world follows suit, exact to the C.