Community » Hattrick Press

Interview with Larry

Written by LarryPampushky

Today is the day of the Cup Final. Larry Pampushsky has retreated to a beach in sunnier climes, which is where hattrick Press caught up with him over a small cup of coffee while Mrs Pampushsky waited impatiently for us to hurry up and get on with it, so she could get on with her holiday.

You started managing Shaktar Donuts on 09/08/12 under the pseudonym LarryPampushky. This, however, was not your first experience playing hattrick. Please could you remind us about your previous team, user name and remind readers who you used to be before you became Larry “borscht whisperer” Pampushky.

I started way back in 2003 with Metheringham Mill FC (57432) under the username of megmill (later changed to me9mill for the purposes of Twitter). If you look at the historical standings for the Premiership you'll still see them there, if you scroll down far enough that is.

You have reached the cup final for the first time after reaching R10 last season where h00ligans knocked you out of the quarters (583025925) using the Press gang tactic (even though they were only passable at it). Is it surprising how few managers instruct their players to close down the opposition when setting up a chances for a long shot, especially as LS is hardly used as a 'surprise' tactic, unlike the sacking of Reggie Safford?

I think it’s hard for my opponents to get a very good pressing rating as they don't usually have many defenders so I’m not surprised many don't try it. I wouldn't bother either.

Our google research team have discovered that this is not the first time you've been interviewed. Apparently you were interviewed by Offside! magazine after finishing 3rd in the Ukranian U20 election. (http://hattrickunited.org/shakhtardonuts/2013/02/01/grilled-pampushky/) I bet those fatuous Ukranian managers are sorry now that you've gone on to become an English Cup Finalist?

As I type this I have no internet connection (on holiday, typing this into a text file on my phone to upload later) so no idea what I wrote there but no doubt it was something seriously unfunny.

If there were three changes you could persuade hattrick to implement to improve the game tomorrow, what would they be and why?

Split the defender substitution slot into two: wingback and central.

Incorporate more stats pages into the site, like Alltid used to have.

Erm..., increase the pullback effect for long shot teams.

"I haven't got time to give reasons!" Pampushky whispers, glancing over his shoulder at Mrs P who is looking at her watch and tapping her foot impatiently...

If you were on death row, and were ordering your last meal tonight, what would you be having and why?

Curry from my local Indian. Funnily enough, the owner and his brother (the chef) have recently been sent to prison for VAT fraud, so will be handily placed to rustle something up.

Your manager page states that you support Lincoln City. With respect to Stacey West do you consider yourself to be to the left, or to the right?

Niche question of the week! You don't often hear that song as the stand where it’s sung is usually closed (for financial reasons). And I've never sat there. But left.

What's the best investment you ever made?

They're not overly popular in some quarters, but Amazon have done very nicely for me over the years.

What is your favourite building or architectural design?

I like the opera house in Oslo where you can walk up onto the roof (https://res-5.cloudinary.com/simpleview/image/upload/c_fill,f_auto,h_702,q_65,w_1200/v1/clients/norway/oslo_opera_house_norway_winter_74f913af-d675-4556-a890-f929f05b26d7.jpg), but the correct answer is Lincoln Cathedral (http://easterncathedrals.org.uk/img/main/main-lincoln.jpg).

Please could you provide us with a link to utube or vimeo or soundcloud to a tune you'd like to recommend to any fellow managers reading this?

Not sure about a tune, but I'll give you a band: Thee Oh Sees (or is it Seas?) (Uncle Bink might provide a link if you're lucky.)

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go-67rqU1nU)

What was your first car (or bike), and what happened to it?

A mark one Fiesta. (http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02985/ford-fiesta-mk1_2985380c.jpg) It was ten years old when I got it and was an absolute rust bucket. Everything went wrong with it, but it has made me appreciate every car I've owned since. It eventually went to a scrap yard.

Could you please tell us a short story involving a Pangolin, Reggie Safford and Stacey West?

Given that Stacey and West were Lincoln fans who died in the Bradford fire it would be a horror story.... And I don't know what a Pangolin is.

Ed. Neither does Reggie Safford. Here's a link to his story (http://hattrickunited.org/shakhtardonuts/2013/03/25/pampushky-gets-ruthless/)

You've put together one of the best Long Shots teams ever seen in England. For any managers reading this, wanting to follow in your footsteps, could you please tell us a bit about how to build a team like yours, any mistakes to avoid and what sort of spec, scoring + set piece skill targets to aim for?

Simple. Take 10 players from your YA (8 of my starting 11 in the final will be HG) and train PM, defence, scoring and SPs. Prioritise Head spec over everything; I've got quick wingers too but they never score (not having anyone to pass to doesn't help).

Train defence until you can get divine+ ratings. Train scoring and SP until you get a divine rating. Train PM forever.

Please tell us about how you met your other half (or last conquest), and how they feel about your Hattrick addiction?

I met her at university, 23 years ago. She is usually tolerant but this interview process may well end the relationship.

What was the last book you read and would you recommend it?

Jerusalem by Simon Sebag Montefiore. It was alright. Not as good as his ones on Stalin.

If your team had a song to run out to, what would it be?

Lazarus, Dig Yourself (that might not be the exact title) by Nick Cave. It’s the only song I can think of that features a Larry, and I'm sure the fans will want to sing about me rather than the team. (I'm sure Bink will add a link. It's an excellent song, if you like that sort of thing.)

(https://vimeo.com/4854667)

The capacity of your stadium is 70,000, which seems a little small compared to other stadiums at your level. I'm sure you've thought about it, so what mistake have your rivals made?

With neutral cup venues after round 6, I don't think you need anything bigger.

What question should I have asked you that I haven't? (And what would your answer have been?)

What's your favourite cheese?

Stilton.